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Posted by GoodDad from MD

In Reply to: do i have a chance, should i file? posted by Tara, Texas

As a current NCP and father who is in the same situation as your ex (4 hours away) I have to caution you against taking away your childīs right to be with the father. Most courts these days recognize the need for both parents to be in the childīs life as much as possible. If your child ever thinks that you kept him from seeing his father he may grow to resent you awfully.

When I was younger and in college I didnīt see my son enough. In fact before he could speak I didnīt feel nearly as connected to him as I am now. I was a young dad and I wasnīt "emotionally equipped" like my ex to handle everything for the first 2 years or so. In some ways I didnīt want to get too close to him. I was afraid that since Iīd always just be a "weekend daddy" that itīd only be worse on him to see me. I was afraid he wouldnīt want to see me at some point. When I moved away from him I learned that even though his mother did all the day-to-day stuff with him, his relationship with me was still something I wanted in my life. Right now Iīm going back to court to get a stricter visitation schedule so I can see him more often. I have gotten over my fear of not needing him or "being replaced" by someone else because my son and I share a relationship that is very important to BOTH of us now.

Fatherhood doesnīt come naturally to all men. Iīm a very intelligent and accomplished person and I can say that I honestly wasnīt prepared for it. Try to talk to your ex and determine what he wants his role to be. Do you have a set schedule of visitation? Does he have a demanding job? Would you or do you try to meet him halfway? What does the child say about his father? What do they do when he visits? Have your child call the father and ask him to come see him if he/she misses him. If heīs a good man heīll want to see his child. Whatever you do make sure that this is just about your children and not about feelings you have about your ex.

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